There is a particularly annoying, and potentially dangerous, email that keeps floating about, purportedly warning women how to avoid rape. Here is one of my responses to it, from my email archives:
I've seen this in various forms and, frankly, I'm suspicious. I hope I don't come on too strong but, as a woman, this is a topic that hits all too close to home.
Someone forwarded the following:
A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:
1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.
Tell this to all the short-haired women who have been raped. Notice that no references were given---who conducted these alleged interviews? Why should we believe that validity of statements made by rapists? Why should we believe these interviews even took place? How large was this supposed group? Was it representative of all rapists or just those with a fetish for long hair?
Plus, this completely ignores the fact that most women are raped not by strangers but by men known to them. And even stranger rapes do not necessarily begin with hair grabbing.
2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's [sic] clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.
First of all, in my admittedly limited work with rape victims, I've never encountered nor read about rapists carrying scissors. If "many" of them did, I doubt I would be first reading about it in an anonymous email circulating around the internet.
Plus, this again ignores the fact that most women are raped by men known to them. I doubt that men go around carrying scissors on dates. The women I've known who were raped by boyfriends, neighbors, teachers, fathers, brothers, uncles, co-workers, etc., etc. were dressed in a variety of different outfits and no scissors were involved in the attacks.
3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.
There certainly is some truth to this in the case of stranger rape.
4) The time of day men are most likely to attack and rape a woman is in the early morning, between 5 and 8:30 a.m.
Based on what? Why should we believe this? When I was in college, women were far more likely to be raped on campus late at night, while attending parties, walking across campus, or alone in their dorm rooms. (How do I know? Based on reports in the campus newspaper and on studies on campus rape conducted during that time.) Women are raped at all different times. Notice that we are given no information to substantiate this claim as to time.
5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked at is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public restrooms.
Again, why should we believe this? Actually, women are most likely to be attacked in their homes, by people they know. This can be substantiated by contacting local emergency rooms and asking about statistics as to where women are most likely to be attacked. It can be substantiated by reading crime statistics. It can be substantiated by talking to police officers. Women are far more likely to be the victims of domestic violence than random violence.
6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.
Women (and men) need to be taught never to allow themselves to be taken to a second location.
7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.
8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.
Yes and no. Depends on the situation and the particular rapist.
9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands. Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.
10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk, I can't believe it is so cold out here, we're in for a bad winter. Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up, you lose appeal as a target.
11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back.
Again, they are looking for an EASY target.
Very true---one of the most valuable self-defense tools we can teach is "target hardening".
12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.
A number of self-defense "experts" do not advocate using pepper spray. There have been too many cases of the "victim" being sprayed. Personally, I don't think anyone should use pepper spray without training, and without carefully selecting which type of spray would be most effective for them. Plus, they need to be sure that their spray does not get too old---it does lose its strength. In addition, some people can tolerate being sprayed without much ill effect.
13) If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh -- HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it hurts.
This is one type of technique; a lot of self-defense instructors and martial artists teach other effective techniques as well.
14) After the initial hit, always go for the groin.. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.
Too many women labor under the delusion that a hit or kick to the groin will incapacitate a man. If so, we'd have no need for self-defense instruction. We'd simply teach, "Go for the groin!" But there are two problems with that:
1. A lot of men expect a hit or kick to the groin and are very protective of that area.
2. Some men, believe it or not, can keep going after an attack to the groin, especially if the technique wasn't particularly effective.
15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible.. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.
16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.
PLEASE READ THEN FORWARD THIS TO EVERY WOMAN YOU KNOW, IT'S SIMPLE STUFF BUT IT COULD SAVE HER LIFE
But it could also put her life at risk, if she believes the misguided portions of it. As martial arts and self-defense instructors, we are doing women a grave disservice if we ignore the fact that they are most at risk not from strangers and mysterious serial rapists, but from the men they know and, in many cases, mistakenly trust.
About avoiding coming across as an "easy mark": I often tell women students that we have been socialized to try to "disappear" when we feel threatened---we'll look at the ground, avoid eye contact, make our bodies look as small as possible, etc. This only makes us look more vulnerable, which in turn marks us as an easy victim. Just teaching simple "target hardening"---which, in our culture, means looking people in the eye, walking confidently, not shrinking back, being assertive in any verbal response, not giving in to badgering, etc.
Another important thing to teach women, especially Christian women, is that it's OK not to be nice! If a man is persistent about anything, even helping with carrying groceries, the best thing is to be firm in your refusal, no matter how he criticizes you for being rude or whatever. The book "The Gift of Fear" is a great resource for teaching this and for teaching pre-incident indicators and what makes women really at risk.
No comments:
Post a Comment